Maybe it's the fact that we're all relatively healthy, maybe my walking/running 2 miles a day is really paying off as far as my mood and energy level. I'm sure a large part of it is the fact that Kelly's work has eased up a bit and he's actually "here".
What do I mean by "here"? Well, when he's home...he's actually participating in the family, talking to us, enjoying us. I wonder if he even knows how removed he becomes when work is weighing on him like it has been?
We went out sans children Saturday night. It was nice. We discussed how difficult the last few months have been for both of us, and I think we're on the same page for now. We both realize how close things came to falling apart...and that's pretty damn scary.
My biggest issue is that 20 years from now, I don't want to look back and wish I had done things differently. Of course, I'm sure there will be things that I wish I could change, but I want us to *live* our life...not just wish it away.
I want to create memories for our boys. Happy, fun, times that they can look back on and and talk about long after we're gone.
I want to create memories for Kelly and me. I mean, shit, we got married first because we loved each other, and had fun together. We didn't say, "yeah, let's get married, have kids and work our asses off so that we can grow apart and never see each other." I can't imagine anyone that wants that.
Part of making those things happen, is planning. This may sound stupid, but we are going to create a family calendar. We're going to plan our days, weeks, months...even YEARS ahead just like Kelly plans at work. THAT way, when it's on the calendar...time is made for that event, and it's a priority.
This is really more for Kelly's benefit than for mine. He's a planning/calendar type of guy. I've realized that, for him to make us part of his, well life...he's got to actually see us there on paper (or the computer screen), scheduled and blocked as something that happens at a certain time and a certain place.
Now...let me just say, this probably makes him sound like a total and complete ass, and that's not what I mean. Kelly is a really good guy, who just has an AMAZING work ethic...almost too good. I know that he loves me, and that he loves the boys. He just gets so totally and completely focused on work during his busy season, that we tend to fall by the wayside. In fact, he's just like his father. He's a much better Dad than his father was...but, he works just as hard as his Dad did.
SOOooooo....hopefully things are on the upswing here. Thanks for bearing with the pity party for a while. I was getting pretty tired of the whiny me too.
So. On the agenda to write about in the next few days:
- T-ball is FUN!! There is nothing like watching 20 little guys running around that ball field. Half of them have no idea what they are doing, but they have a damn good time doing it. Pictures to come as well.
- My littlest fella is really growing up. Landon's new favorite word is, "no-no!". "Can Mommy have a kiss?" "NO!" "Can Mommy have a hug?"...."No-NOOOO!" Sigh. I can see how people move on to have more babies, even though that first year is hell. I think my days of hugs and snuggles are dwindling, and I miss my snuggly little guy. OH...and have you SEEN Andria's BEAUTIFUL little girl??? Oh. My. Gosh. It makes my ovaries ache!
- What is it with my boy and shoes? One of Landon's favorite past-times is going through all of my shoes and wearing them around the house. His favorite pair are blue, pointy-toed heels. Should I be worried??